Enough, Already

A reflection on growing older, letting go, and being here

I’ve spent a good portion of my life chasing things.

The respect of colleagues, family, and friends.
Financial security.
The approval of teachers and mentors.
The hope of becoming an expert at something, or at least having an interesting story to tell.

I’ve longed for a life partner to love, someone who could embrace all my introverted quirks and peculiarities.

And beneath much of it has lived a stubborn case of imposter syndrome—the suspicion that I was never quite enough.

Somewhere along the way, I came to believe that if I could just arrange the circumstances of my life in exactly the right way, contentment would follow.  But chasing is an exhausting way to live.  I’m slowly but surely discovering another way.

Perhaps peace doesn’t require our lives to be neatly arranged.

Whatever our health, wonder is still available.

Whatever we have lost, joy can still surprise us—sometimes no farther away than the next deep belly breath.

I don’t have to chase every horizon anymore.

I can receive the moments that come.

Notice the seasons turning.

Watch the morning light.

Savor a sunrise and my first cup of coffee.

I can love the people around me extravagantly while they are still here to be loved.

And remember that tomorrow has never been promised.

Perhaps contentment was never waiting somewhere farther down the road.

Perhaps it has been quietly sitting beside me all along, waiting for me to notice.